Who'd I Vote For? N.O.Y.F.B.

During most of the Presidential campaign, and especially down the stretch, many people were asking me the big question: "Who are you going to vote for?". I dreaded this each and every time it happened - and internally sighed before answering.

Bartender's Know Best
When in college I worked several jobs to pay my bills. One of the jobs I always wanted and wound up getting was as a bartender. Since I knew nothing about how to tend bar - I had taken a two-week course at bar tending night school in order to get certified. Ten days of practical class, one written exam and I would be on my way.

As I may have mentioned before, I have no short term memory these days. You tell me a three-digit number now, and I will forget it in under a minute. Same goes with what I ate for breakfast or what side of the wall a light switch is located on. But, I remember with a high degree of exactness a few things that Yoda (my bar tending instructor) taught me.

One thing he taught me, which is not related to voting but I thought I'd share it with you, is how to scoop ice out of an ice chest. Sounds simple right? Most bartenders do it wrong. You never ever scoop the ice out directly with the glass. This is for the obvious reason that if the glass breaks, the entire chest of ice has to be dumped (in fear of serving someone a drink with chards of glass in it). You always scoop the ice out with the ice scooper. He would wrap the lesson by by saying "Don't be an Icehole". I thought that was pretty funny.

Anyway, he taught me something else that I have never forgotten. Most folks know this, or at least more than know the ice thing. It is to never discuss politics or religion while behind the bar. You want to talk sports, current events, last night's "Seinfeld" episode - all no problem. But layoff politics and religion as they are two of the taboo subjects that people can take a large offense to. Many mild mannered people wind up in fisticuffs, or close to it, over a simple discussion of politics.

Why Voting Booths Have Curtains
My favorite talk show host, the great David Letterman, said a joke about 20 years ago. And yes, this is another one of these things that I remember with uncanny accuracy. It was "Top 10 Voting Tips", and one of the ten was (paraphrased) "Enter the booth, pull the curtain and yell 'Hey, who used all the hot water'". I thought this was hilarious. And just for clarity for those who use a stall shower, he implied that you were entering a shower and the rest of the family used all the hot-water in the tank.

As I'm sure Dave knows, the curtain is there to protect the privacy of the voter. Voting is a private matter, and should be kept such. If I wanted you to know who I voted for, or was going to vote for if asked pre-election, I'd wear a button, t-shirt or hat with the candidates name on it. Many people do that, and they have no problem expressing their opinion. The irony is that these people probably never get asked who they are voting for since it's right out in the open.

So, did I respond to those who asked? And if so how did I do it? Well, yes I did respond, and I did it in a sheepish way. I would inquiry as to who the asker was voting for before answering. If he or she was voting for "My guy", then I would say "Yeah, me too, he's the one". If the asker was voting for the "Other guy", then I would usually tell them I was undecided. This way I defer the debate.

I'm sure you're itching to know who I voted for. Well, I'll give you the answer I should have given to all the others who poke at one of my constitutional rights with a stick, and the title of thie blog: None Of Your F***'n Business (N.O.Y.F.B.).